I am beautiful
by Seven secrets
Summary: I look down at him and imagine life without him but the idea that someone as amazing as Sam...might just be laying in a coffin once this is all over...that someone as wonderful wouldn't be an angel watching over me, it's impossible.


**Nobody said it was easy,**  
><strong>No-one ever said it would be this hard<strong>

**~The Scientist-Coldplay**

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><p>"I think I love you." I mumbled looking at the man before me, his head was bowed and wet, his clothes as soaked through as mine but when he looked up at me with those bright blue eyes of his with that much hope and love and affection, all of the problems we had been going through that led up to this moment just seemed to disappear.<p>

"What was that?" he asked keeping eye contact with me, it was such an intense gaze that I had to avert my eyes in order to keep thinking start in order to remember why we were even in this situation to begin with.

"I...I think I love you." I stuttered, holding my head up high and trying not to all but melt when I looked back into those eyes of his, as he smiled moving closer towards me.

You may think I'm stupid, I do, because I should have seen it coming, I should have known that it was all too good to be true, that all of it was too perfect, that god wouldn't let such a wonderful and amazing guy stay with me, that eventually all good things must come to an end, and as fate would have it...it did, but that didn't stop me from letting out a scream as the blue minivan came barrelling towards him.

I couldn't hear the breaks screech, I couldn't even hear him scream, I was deaf to all the world and all I could focus on were his beautiful eyes staring unblinkingly up at the grey clouds, I didn't move from my position not even when the distraught driver came running out screaming and crying, cursing the fates, apologising over and over again to me, waving his arms about frantically as he pulled out his cell phone most likely to call for an ambulance.

That's what I should have been doing but I couldn't I couldn't manage it, any of it, I couldn't even cry, not one tear for the man I loved, I guess I could say it was because I didn't want to blink, I didn't want my stupid tears to blur what may have been my final image of him and his angelic face, I couldn't bring myself to look past his face and see what damage was done, even imaging it was too heart breaking.

So I stood silently all the way until the paramedics came and moved around me in a whirlwind of colours and blank faces, pulling him into the ambulance, the sirens were blindingly bright forcing my eyes to blink and allowing the tears to begin to escape from my lashes.

At this point it makes me think about death, about the unknown, about dying, if any of it is true, if you really do see your whole life flash before your eyes, if you really see a bright light, if it's all just stories told by the living to bring us some form of comfort, because we're all just scared, because we all don't want to deal with the fact that after this...there may just be nothing.

Sure people say that there is no god, no after life and that we all just end up in our coffins after death finally comes for us, and for the briefest of moments I close my eyes and imagine it, but I can't, because it scares me so much, the idea that someone as amazing as Sam...might just be laying in a coffin once this is all over...that someone as wonderful wouldn't be an angel watching over me, it's impossible.

They take me with them, I can't even remember how but they did, ushering me into the ambulance, the driver isn't there anymore, I suppose someone took him over to the police station, that's when I let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding, when all the sound comes back into the world, "What happened?" someone yells, and my eyes can't pin point who because the sounds of machines beeping and clicking and vibrating all around me, and it all seems to start over again, and we're back in a loop, and I'm saying I love you and the car hits him again and I'm deaf and then it just starts again, but I know it only happened once.

I refuse to blink because inside my eyes, I can see his, the ones filled with hope and love and affection, the once looking at me so intensely that it breaks my heart a little more just to think I won't see them again.

So I let my mind wonder back to the safest place possible, back to before all this happened to when I first realised that I Mercedes Jones was in love with Sam Evans.


End file.
